Human Nature and Our Instinct to Help Others

In a widely e-mailed article in the New York Times, We May Be Born With an Urge to Help, I submitted the following comment, which was posted at the end of the article.

My take on this comes from this basic premise: the brain cannot abstract itself out from the world in which it exists. There are only two things that have meaning to us as thinking beings: relationships and processes (and process is about how relationships change through time in a purposeful manner). To make sense of ourselves is to make sense of how we are related to and part of the world. The self is quite literally the sum of our relationships to the world. To look out for that world is to look out for ourselves. To harm that world is to harm ourselves. There is a lot of pain and misery in the world because many people are not aware of this fact of our human nature.

That there are negative consequences to doing ill to others and the world in which we exist affirms the premise laid out above. That there are positive consequences when we look out for our world also affirms this premise. Just consider when you felt best about yourself. I can almost guarantee it's when you have been generous, kind, compassionate, and helpful to someone else or made some kind of contribution that makes the world a better place. Now think about those times when what you've done causes you to feel anxious, unhappy, or nervous. It's almost always when we have exploited others in some way. These feelings are the body's way of providing feedback on when you have done something either good or bad to yourself.

It's not that children have a tendency to help others. It's that in doing so they naturally feel better about themselves. That’s built in to our nature. To the question, "Am I my brother's keeper?" My response would be "No, I am my own keeper, but this means I am my brother's keeper." Why? Because when we look out for that of which we are a part, we look out for ourselves. It really is as simple as that. And when things don’t work out as we expect, we can learn from the experience and do better next time. You can read more more about some of these ideas at www.cwlpub.com/brain.htm.